Arch Duke Maxyenko Lifehack or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Small Car

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko) 07/24/2017 at 20:43 • Filed to: None

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So, you have a project that you need some baseboard in order to complete. Only problem is that you drive a small car and the shortest length that you can buy baseboard in is 8 feet. Now you could just drive like a dingus and have it hang out the window, but this isn’t safe or a good idea. You could buy a roof rack and look like a tool driving around with a roof rack on a sporty little coupe, but once again not the safest way of transporting one board and it also costs a lot of money for looking like a tool. Or, you could just follow these simple steps.

What you will need:

A tape measure, a pencil, and most importantly, a hack saw.

Pictured: a good hack saw

Now drive to the store and try to park next to a cart corral. You might not think that this is a good idea, but trust me, the cart corral will come into play. Buy your board, it’s easier to buy the material than it is to try and carry an 8 foot board out of the store without anyone noticing.

Now go to your car and grab your tape measure and pencil. Measure out 4 feet (that’s half of 8 for those who are mathematically challenged) and draw a line across the board. Now place the board on to the top rails of the cart corral and cut on the line like so:

There you go, it now fits in your trunk and you only partially look like a serial killer.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/24/2017 at 20:46

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Yeah, I just take the t-tops out.

facw > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/24/2017 at 20:54

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My passenger seat folds down to give me the full length of the cabin+trunk for maximum small car hauling:

Also I don’t own a saw...

Wacko > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/24/2017 at 20:56

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But what do you do if your walls are longer than 4 feet?

And why is your house so tiny?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Wacko 07/24/2017 at 21:00

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I’m Tiny Riiiiiiick!!!!

Tekamul > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/24/2017 at 21:01

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Uh... you know they’ll cut it to length for you inside, on like an actual work station, right? With tools and stuff?

Also, this is why I have a beater minivan that logs about 3k miles a year (more than half of that in 1 annual road trip). It holds everything, and if I get crazy and need to bring 16' boards home, I have a truck bed extender that goes in the trailer hitch and provides a very long extension. And it’ll hold 4' x 8' sheets flat in the back. I don’t care what people say about minivans, they’re amazing.

Kiltedpadre > Tekamul 07/24/2017 at 21:08

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I have one of those extenders. Other than my jack it might be the best purchase I’ve made at Harbor Freight.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Tekamul 07/24/2017 at 21:16

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You could have them cut it, or you could just do it yourself in like 2 minutes and not be a pansy

Tekamul > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/24/2017 at 21:22

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LOL

Frenchlicker > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/24/2017 at 21:24

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Way better response than I was even hoping for.

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/24/2017 at 21:30

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If it’s good enough for them to not cut the timber then it is probably good enough for you...

DasWauto > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/24/2017 at 21:43

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Fun fact: 8ft lumber fits comfortably in my WRX if I fold the rear seats down and slide the front seat forward and recline it back. No hacksaw required.

It’ll also move a full size pool table if you’re ambitious/idiotic enough.

It also PAXs quite well in D-stock. :D

BaconSandwich is tasty. > DasWauto 07/24/2017 at 21:49

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I’ve discovered that same thing about my Civic - with the rear seats down, an 8 foot board will fit within about 6" of the head unit. I’ve done that way too many times. :P

It also made for an entertaining visit to home depot, when I was parked next to some guys in a Ford Ranger. They were busy tying their load down (good for them!) when I roll up with my car, pop my trunk, put the board inside the car, return the cart, and drive away.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/24/2017 at 21:50

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This is my department... we sell the damn stuff. I have personally loaded 9' lengths into a Civic. You should have had no issues.

The windshield on a SWB Uplander breaks at 12'6", though... fortunately it was one of our salesmen doing it to himself and not me doing it to a customer

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > DasWauto 07/24/2017 at 21:56

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I’ve got at least 9' (I actually think it was 10', but since I can’t remember I’m going to say 9') into a Civic before.

Cracks me up when people show up wanting 7' lengths “because they’ve only got a minivan”. A SWB minivan will handle a small quantity of 12' (because if you have to stack it too high the angle of the windshield gets in the way) without issues. the LWB models should be able to swallow 13'... and the longest we carry in most materials are 16'. Ain’t nobody gonna care about 3' out the passenger window. So yeah. A minivan is all you need for small projects. Heck, for long materials I’d rather have a minivan than my truck

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > BaconSandwich is tasty. 07/24/2017 at 21:58

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HAH! I thought so. I put it in a couple times here that I got at least 9' in a Civic, but thought it was closer to 10'... if you’ve got 6" space at 8', 10' lengths are no issue

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media 07/24/2017 at 22:00

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Fact: Pickups are actually pretty shit for long stuff. Unless they’ve got the sliding rear window. On that note:

http://oppositelock.kinja.com/things-i-dont-understand-1791573722

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 07/24/2017 at 22:10

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That’s why my dual cab ‘pick-up’ has a 2.4 metre tray and ladder racks. I’ve 6 metre lengths of pine framing on there recently...

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/24/2017 at 22:39

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New season in 6 days! :D

BigBlock440 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/25/2017 at 00:19

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Isn’t it easier to just fold the back seat down? I can fit a 12 footer in my sedan that way.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/25/2017 at 09:01

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Can confirm, have actually bought $3 tiny hacksaw at Home Depot with pipe for express purpose of cutting pipe to fit outside.

CobraJoe > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/25/2017 at 09:03

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Better solution: Roof rack.

I carried about half the lumber needed to build a deck on the roof of my small Volvo V50 wagon.

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > Tekamul 07/25/2017 at 09:36

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This is why I have a suburban still

GrumpyOldMan > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/25/2017 at 10:04

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Or you could use a saw meant for cutting wood when you intend to cut wood?

Also when the baseboard expands and contracts, as wood does, this is going to double the number of ugly gaps you have.

Better off laying the back seat down and running it from the trunk up to beside the seat or on the center armrest to maximize the length you can accommodate, or maybe have friends who might have a bigger car you can use.

Or if you’re going to do a crap job, just get a roll of ugly plastic flex baseboard, which will probably fit in cargo shorts for easy transport.

ttyymmnn > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/25/2017 at 10:10

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Dude, what’s up with your thumb?

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > ttyymmnn 07/25/2017 at 10:45

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Nothing. What’s up with your’s?

Driving_Impaired > ttyymmnn 07/25/2017 at 11:15

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Hitchhiker thumb! I’ve got one too... My gf thought it was so weird first time she saw it! Lol

ttyymmnn > Driving_Impaired 07/25/2017 at 11:25

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Mine just doesn’t bend that way. I didn’t realize it had a name.

notsomethingstructural > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/25/2017 at 12:16

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What home improvement stores are you going to where they don’t have a tape and hacksaw at the moldings already

KnowsAboutCars > ttyymmnn 07/25/2017 at 16:44

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There’s a certain percentage of people who have thumbs that bend 90 degrees. I have them too, they’re kinda neat.

Funny thing, I didn’t even realize that my thumbs were somehow special until a friend of mine noticed me bending them in 9th grade (15yo) Swedish lesson.

facw > ttyymmnn 04/01/2019 at 01:31

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Mine does. I’m pretty sure they were one of the features we used for our Punnett squares back in our elementary school genetics lessons.

Hmm, apparently this is old, and I’ve stumbled into it somehow.

ttyymmnn > facw 04/01/2019 at 10:34

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Yes, quite old. How did you get here?

facw > ttyymmnn 04/01/2019 at 10:36

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I have no idea? I thought it was just on the oppo frontpage, but then I didn’t see it when I went back to check.

ttyymmnn > facw 04/01/2019 at 10:51

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I’ve had TDIAH posts from years ago randomly pop up on the Oppo sidebar from time to time. Who knows? Only Kinja knows.